by Robin Spano
Host: This is my friend. She's a crime writer.
Guest #1: A crime writer? Like, for the newspaper?
Crime Writer: No, I write mystery novels.
Guest #1: Oh. Like Agatha Christie?
Crime Writer: Yeah.
Guest #1: I love Agatha Christie. I have this plot idea I've always thought would make a great novel. I'm not a writer, though. Hey, if you like, I'll give it to you, and you can write it, and we can share the profits.
Crime Writer: Thanks. I'm not looking for a plot right now. I'm in the middle of a project, no idea when I'll start another one. But I can recommend some great writing classes so you can write it yourself.
Guest #1: I don't want to write it myself. I'd rather give it to someone else and just reap the profits.
Crime Writer: You could always hire a ghost writer. That's what they do.
Guest #2: So is it true that all writers are weird? You hole up in your office with a bottle of cheap whiskey and don't come out for months, until your book is done?
Crime Writer: Yeah. Pretty much. Except I come out to get more whiskey.
Host: No, that's not true at all. We see our crime writer friend and her husband for dinner all the time. She doesn't drink much at all.
Crime Writer: Okay, I lied.
Guest #1: I can just give you the plot. I think it's so good. I want to see a book with this story in it. I don't even mind not taking half the profit.
Crime Writer: Oh, thanks, but writing isn't really like that. The story comes organically from my imagination.
Guest #3: Exactly. I've always said that. I'm going to write a book one day, but I haven't been hit by my muse yet. But I'm open to it. I started taking yoga. I figure it's not long before my channel will be open.
Crime Writer: Oh, that's great. When you start writing, let me know and I'll recommend some classes. It helps a lot to learn skills from the pros.
Guest #3: Oh, I don't believe in that. I think you either have talent or you don't.
Crime Writer: Maybe. I guess no one knows.
Guest #3: But you said the inspiration comes from inside you.
Crime Writer: It does for the first draft. But the edit stage is where skill comes in.
Guest #3: So I'll hire a good editor. I'm no good with grammar and stuff anyway.
Guest #2: I hear the suicide rate among writers and artists is really high. Is that because you guys are all super sensitive?
Crime Writer: Probably.
Guest #2: Have you ever tried to kill yourself?
Crime Writer: Not yet.